We moved to West Virginia in May of 2003. In September of 2004, my oldest son started kindergarten. Like most kids, this was a huge change from his routine,and like most parents, we worried about him when he was at school. See, my son has Cerebral Palsy, a result of a stroke he suffered around the time of his birth. He is not profoundly handicapped, but he does have some needs that other kids might not. Having someone outside of our family tend to those needs scared the crap out of us.
He seemed to like it well enough. I think the sense of independence made him feel good. Unfortunately, this did not last long. His personality started to change. He was always very happy and out going and he started to become a bit introverted. He even started to ask if he could stay home from school.
After speaking with our son, we found out that there was a girl in his class who was constantly picking on him and bullying him. The worst incident was a day that my son asked us if he could buy his own lunch at school instead of bring one. We agreed and he took some of his own money so he could buy lunch. At lunch that day, he went and ordered his own lunch and paid for it with his own money. As he walked away from the cashier, the girl who had been bullying him pushed him from behind and caused him to fall and spill his lunch all over the floor. This devastated him, and nearly crushed his desire to go to school.
We decided we needed to discuss the situation with his teacher. Now, I may be old fashioned, but you should get a war and fuzzy feeling form your child's kindergarten teacher. This was not the case with son's teacher, she was like the Ice Queen. She looked angry all the time, and was very abrupt when she answered questions. After discussing this incident and other similar incidents we were basically told, 'Its just kids being kids.' Not something you want to hear when its one of your kids involved.
As is the case with most parents, when we dropped off my son, or picked him up, we would talk with other parents, especially the parents of children in the same class. Thinking maybe we were overreacting, my wife discussed some of the issues we had (such as the way the teacher spoke to the children). Seems we were not the only ones who had these issues. Yet, somehow, the teacher found out that my wife had these discussions and one day was summoned to the principal's office. She was asked not to discuss this teacher with any other parent while on school property. She was being treated like one of the children.
The straw that pretty much broke the camel's back was actually behavior my wife mentioned she observed between the teacher, teacher's aide and another child in the class. There was a bot who befriended my son. It was obvious he came from a family that had a difficult time making ends meet. He is also African-American. I only mention this because I feel it important to the story. One day, around Christmas, the school had one of those little 'stores' set up so kids could buy little gifts. Each class was brought down to the 'store' together, with the help of some 'class moms', of which my wife was one, to buy stuff. This child could not buy anything as he did not have any money. Feeling sorry for him, my wife let him pick something out for himself that she would pay for. While the class was lead back to their classroom, my wife paid for the item the child wanted.
When she returned to the room, the teacher and teacher's aide were yelling at the child because they assumed he stole the item, even though the child and my son both told them my wife paid for it. My wife was mortified, and even after she told the teacher that she did pay for the item, they assumed my wife was trying to cover for the child.
Even before this episode, we had discussed other options, such as requesting he be moved to a different classroom (which the school was reluctant to do), change schools (which the school board was reluctant to do and the closest private school was about 30 miles away) and homeschooling. I have to admit, when my wife first mentioned homeschooling, I was against it. I had know 3 people in my life, to that point, who were homeschooled, and they were all really weird. But, it was still a viable option.
After much debate and discussion we decided to try homeschooling for the rest of the school year and then revisit the issue in the summer. My wife did tons of research on curriculums, and even joined the TORCH group (a home school group at the church) so we would have plenty of resources available to us.
In January of 2005, after the Christmas break, we (more accurately, my wife, began homeschooling our son. Almost immediately, he reverted back to the happy-go-lucky kid we knew and loved. And I think it was more beneficial for my wife than it was for my son. As part of the TORCH group, he went on class trips, and was invited to social gatherings. The little experiment was a success, and we decided that as long as it was a viable option (meaning as long as we thought it was what was best for our kids) we would continue to homeschool them.
My attitude towards homeschooling has changed and I have become somewhat of an advocate for it. it is not perfect, it is difficult and it is not for everyone, but for our children, at this point in their lives, we feel this will benefit them more than going to public school. As a priest, who is a good friend of mine, said, 'During their most impressionable years, you kids will spend all day, every day, in a loving, caring environment. Nothing else will do more for your children's self esteem and confidence than that.'
26 comments
Are you actually going to take time to play with them, and let them have their fun time as kids? Seriously? They should be on the playground, learning to fight and getting tough against all the ugly that's in the world today. Every kid should be allowed to experience the social hell that is public school... it's good for them.
Those sorts of categorical "X is better than Y" statements are easy to make when you're kids aren't out of the womb yet.
Wait till you have actually deal with your children and see if you have a different opinion.
As for Scott, thanks for sharing your experience. I admit I jumped to conclusions when you said that you home-schooled. Now hearing the story, I'm ashamed of myself.
And seriously Jared. Children are and should not be as "tough" as adults. When people grow plants they start them in a nursery. Funny we realize young plants are tender, eh? There is a time and season. Children benefit from playing with parents. It is sad IMO that more parents use schools and day care to raise children. I am not speaking of those who use it where they feel they must, but rather those who use them to raise their children. Social nannies so the parents don't have to do their job. I won't knock public school because we home educate our children for the benefits not the issues. Our children were never in the system though I was. We just saw it as for us a better alternative. Others have resolved issues through home education like Scott. That is great he was able. We ought to be saying good job fore being a responsible parent not brow beating him.
Next... socialization, what is the goal of socialization? Is it to exist with a bunch of people the same age as you or as close as possible? Socialization is preparing someone to enter 'society'. It may surprise you but home school children are much more social on the bell curve. They are much less hostile on the bell curve also. Mt. Rushmore could be called a monument to home education for every face is one of a home educated person. When children grow up they will be in a multi-generational environment. They will hopefully know to act mature because the adults in their lives were good examples. Parents who home educate are often more aware of children's needs not because they are any better... but because they typically spend more time with their children and deal with more areas of their lives because of direct educational responsibilities.
So, Scott I say good decision for your case. Everyone has liberty in America to choose. You evaluated your child's needs and choose what you thought was best because you love your child. You and your wife choose to sacrifice personal goals to nurture his future in this way because for now you think it is best. We hear you and hopefully others will listen and encourage you to keep on acting on your love for your children as we should also.
As for jumping to conclusions, it's widely understood that socialization is a very serious topic for homeschoolers. I was merely making the point that kids miss out on a lot of interaction when they're not exposed to certain situations from a very early age. It takes a very conscientious adult to give kids the space to be kids, have fun, do kid stuff and simply nurture them and what you end up with is an idealistic and open-minded adult. I think this is an inevitable result of homeschooling... HS'ed people are just a bit "off" from the norm.
Are you going to take time to nurture them and socialize with them and involve them in everything from working on the car to baking a cake in addition to reading, writing and math?
Are you going to make sure they take opportunities to be involved in sports and other extra-curricular activities while they grow?
Are you going to insure that their special needs and special skills and interests get the levels of focus and attention they should have?
I know those were some of the things that I loved most about being home-educated. Things no public school could ever dream of providing.
To the rest of you: NEENERS!! and/or GOTCHA!! I can't believe that anyone actually believes that crap, especially in the face of so much real, contradictory evidence. Moreover, I can't believe that anyone who spouts such nonsense is actually taken seriously by anyone else.
Incidentally, there's more opportunity for HS families to do everything from team sports to drivers ed and school dances now than there ever was when I was a kid... I'm really looking forward to my chance to be a home-schooling parent during a time when there's so many programs and tools available.
Here is a prime example. A few weeks ago, we bought a new DVD burner form my wife's computer. When I went to pit it in, the kids wanted to 'help', so I took it as an opportunity to do a little basic computer class. I showed them what each component was and explained what it did.
I was psyched when, a week later, we were at my parents house and I was helping my dad set up a new computer. I had the old one open so that I could get the disk drive and my 5 year old starting telling my dad what all the components were and what they did.
@Terrence - no need to feel guilty, as I said, I kind of felt the same way. I am just glad I was not so stubborn to not even give it a try.
Once my mom discovered the problem, and found out the the public school system had no way to deal with this kind of problem. She decided to home school him, and over time my brother was able to overcome his visual comprehension problem and went on to be quite successful. He has a degree in aviation, and he is has his commercial pilots license. Has a wife and a daughter, and is not socially disabled in any way.
My sister also home schooled her whole school career, and she is perfectly normal as well.
I ,on the other hand, only home schooled the last 3 years of high school, but I have much more trouble relating with people than either of them.
My wife actually home schools my 8 year old son, and he loves it. He is on a travel ice hockey team, so he spends a great deal of time out on the Ice practicing with other kids his age. And we have a group of other friends who also home school their children. So my son gets plenty of socialization.
I have met many, many home schoolers in my life, and while I do agree that there are some parents out there who over-shelter their children, and there are some home school kids that end up being a little odd, the same can be said of kids that attend regular school as well. There are plenty of socially awkward/nerdy/geeky kids in public and private schools.
Here's a couple articles you might find interesting:
http://www.cnsnews.com/Culture/archive/200110/CUL2...
http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000000/00000017.asp...
In public (and private school to some degree) the curriculum are geared towards the average student. Students who are above or below average for a given subject wind up suffering.
Being in the DC area, we have tons of things we can do that , while fun for the kids, is also a learning experience. Two years ago we got to tour the White House at Christmas time. What a great experience and we made sure to make it somewhat of a history and civics lesson as well.
We also have the added benefit of being able to vacation when we want to, rather than when school is out. We have frequently vacationed in Ocean City, MD the week of labor Day. Everything is still open and its less crowded because most kids are back in school. This year we are going to Disney when everyone else is in school, so not only is it cheaper, but it will be lees crowded.
How may Adult children do you have that were home schooled? We have three 18 and up. These were the first we home educated without your socialization furnace. We weren't perfect parents and we made mistakes. Yet, what is the interaction they miss out on?
* Playing in a play ground with children the same age? (Or kids just didn't get that during "recess", they still got it.)
* Sitting in a class room with children the same age to get educated? (I don't see that as an intelligent consideration.)
* Going to school where kids pressure them to do drugs or get in a gang? (Not all kids get that, but come on... some things are better missed.)
* Sports? (Here some times home educated children don't have the same opportunities. Perhaps this is the most common argument that is an honest 'consideration'. Yet, what percentage of kids that go to public school play sports? Is that a required activity for a diploma? Nope, therefore that is not viewed by public school to be a defining factor in socialization either now is it?)
Opportunities: If you knew my children's abilities. My 12 year old likes to cook and begs his mother to let him prepare meals when we have get togethers at our house. She has let him prepare meals for what you would call large crowds. (The meal and dessert.) He has also won grand champion for writing in the county fair. My oldest son has won grand champion for poetry in the fair also. My second daughter has won grand champion in the county fair on her very first crochet project she ever completed. She also has done embroidery for Haworth, the furniture company. I could go on... opportunity is there Jared. You are just wrong and should realize there is life outside public education.
You are right... home schooled people can be exceptional rather than as you put it "normal". Or they can be happy about who they are rather than being pressured by social bullies who force them to conform to be "normal" when they are healthy people who care about their families, care about neighbors, do a good job at work... but don't feel a need to "follow the crowd" to be accepted.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2...
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"California courts have held that ... parents do not have a constitutional right to homeschool their children," Justice H. Walter Croskey said in the 3-0 ruling issued on Feb. 28. "Parents have a legal duty to see to their children's schooling under the provisions of these laws."
Parents can be criminally prosecuted for failing to comply, Croskey said.
"A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation as a means of protecting the public welfare," the judge wrote, quoting from a 1961 case on a similar issue.
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I don't knwo about you, but that last 2 lines sends chills down my spine.
My wife and I decided to send our kids to a private school. When I see people attacking the home schoolers, I can't help but wonder how long it will be before they begin attacking private schools. We're supposed to have a 'separation of church and state' aren't we? From what I'm seeing, it won't be long before the church IS the state.
Scott, I respect the decision you and your wife have made. Keep up the good work!
@Damon - That decision sent chills down the spines of our homeschool group. Shortly thereafter Gov. Terminiator (no way I am trying to spell his name) denounced the decision and vowed to make sure that homeschooling remains a right for every one on California.
We are members of HSLDA. It's a great organization. And I definitely agree with the learning rate thing. My son is in 2nd grade but he loves to read, and he can read at the 6th grade reading level. but he is at grade level in math, so he just does normal 2nd grade math problems. I, a regular school system he would still find his math lesson challenging but he would be extremely bored during his reading/spelling lessons.
That was one of the things I loved about homeschooling the last few years of high school. Learning has always come easy for me, and I was usually bored in almost every class I had growing up. When I started home schooling, I went to an independent study program where went to class with a teacher once a week and took tests, then I got all my assignments for the next week. I would just pound through everything in a day or two and the I had a lot more free time to do whatever I wanted. That's when I started leaning things that interested me, like website development.
Dude, read all my comments and back off just a little, ok? I was homeschooled from 6th grade on. I could read Shakespeare before I was in kindergarten and I had a college sophomore reading level when I was in third grade. I was doing 9th grade math at the age of 11. School was hell for me.
If you go back and read my posts, the first one was decidedly tongue-in-cheek... apparently nobody got it. How anyone could take such nonsense seriously is beyond me... honestly. My second comment was deliberately worded the way it was because "socialization" is a huge issue for homeschoolers (i.e. it's the first damned thing out of anyone's mouth when they want to sound like they know something about education) and I was (I'll admit it) being sneaky about playing the devil's advocate.
Sorry, Scott... maybe I took it too far. Anyway...
I know dozens of people who were homeschooled. Some came out OK, some are basket cases... HS is NOT a silver bullet. But, on average, we come out OK and we're pretty much in demand from colleges and employers around the country and even the world.
I just re-read my comments and realized I started out sounding snippy.
Sorry about that. It wasn't intentional.
J
The really unnerving part about that last part of the judges statement is it just sounds too much like propaganda.
Laterz,
J
My eldest daughter was born on Sept 26 so she is right on the edge of being able to go to kindergarten. We are trying to decide if we are going to homeschool or put her in the public school system.
I was homeschooled all 12 years (except for 1 semester when I was in the Texas Boys Choir and had to go to their school for 6 months while we toured) and it was a great experience. I was able to do things at an early age like start a job working as a network admin when I was 16. By the time I was 19 I had already learned ColdFusion on the side and decided to get a job, which I did, making WAY more then most 19 y/o ever dream of making. I was and am fiercely independent and I have a deep desire to learn and better myself which I think is a direct impact of homeschooling. I may not have been the best at math but my mom knew that I loved reading and let me explore that. Funny that I became a programmer but never really did much algebra :-)
My wife is a product of the public school system and her education is just a watered down mess of study-for-a-test education and she can't remember much of anything she learned. She is constantly amazed that the depth of my education because I was allowed to explore and to find what it was I was really interested in and dive in to that.
Ok this comment has officially become too long.. sorry you just touched on a very personal subject for me :-)
J.J.
When I think about my education in public schools, I wish I was home schooled instead. I remember when I hit high school, things changed for me, not for the better. I did get involved with all the wrong things and all of the wrong people. I went from a straight A student to dropping out my junior year, I just stopped showing up. I went through a lot of struggles in my life due to the poor decisions I made and I would say I lost 10 years of my life becuase of it. I eventually bounced back, I got tired of it and wanted to better myself. I tried taking some classes at the
college. I wanted to get into programming and took some classes, but the pace was slow for me. Believe it or not, the straigh A student didn't go anywhere, he resurfaced eventually. One day as I was in my VB class, the instructor called me up to his desk before class began and handed my a book by Thomsan publishing and it was programming in CF 5. He knew how eager I was to learn how
to program. Anyway, I went home and read the first 5 chapters and before you know it I had CF installed on my machine and I was processing my first URL variable.
To sum it up, and i'm sorry if it was a long comment, it's not a perfect world. You will have kids who are home schooled that will not embrace it, and you will have kids like John Farrar's who
will excel because of it. John didn't mention Timothy who is 18 and a CF Whiz!
@Scott Stroz - It's a heart warming story, I wish you the best with the home schooling and I hope that little boy who befriended your son will have you guys in his life, he sounds like
he needs you guys.
@Scott Stroz - I wanted to say something else that I wanted to keep separate. I happen to run across your blog and this post and I can't believe you're the same person who makes the harsh comments
that you do on various forums and chats. Had I never seen the way you are when you're replying to people, I would probably not believe it. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt
and say that you have changed, and I really hope that you have. When I think about it, you're just like that little girl who was picking on your son based on the comments that you've made
that i happened to have read. I'll tell you one thing, anyone can change if they really want to, I know I have done it personally and to me it seemed impossible at times.