Boyzoid's Blog & Stuff

For those who don’t know, I spent 17 years in EMS, 14 of those as a paramedic, in New Jersey before cutting my teeth in web development.  In that time, I bared witness to stuff that even the best writers in Hollywood couldn’t come up with.  I have seen the best and worst of people.  At the urging of some friends and co-workers, I have decided that, from time to time, I will blog about some of my most memorable calls.  There will be no ‘blood and guts’ stories, most will revolve around basic human stupidity, with the occasional ‘tear jerker’ thrown in.  Get ready, this one still amazes me…

It was in the summer.  I remember the patient was wearing a bikini.  We got the call as an ‘Unknown Medical Emergency’.  This was the kiss of death, it usually meant that the caller used some term the dispatcher was unfamiliar with.

The patient was a 17 year old female, and upon our arrival, seemed perfectly healthy.  As we started to gather information, she was describing what happened in pretty odd terms…’I got flushed….a little light-headed…..had a weird feeling in my stomach (but pointed to her lower abdomen)…I got a little nauseous, but more like butterflies than feeling I’m going to vomit”. 

When I asked what she was doing when it happened, she, and her male companion, became embarrassed.  After some prodding, she admitted that they were having sex when all this stuff happened. I had to bite my tongue to stop from laughing.  It became pretty obvious to me what had happened.  She had an orgasm

The laws in New Jersey are pretty strict when it comes to minors and medical treatment.  Since she was 17, she could not refuse medical attention.  Since we were already on-scene, she had to go to the hospital.  There was no way around it.  She followed up her first sexual experience and her first orgasm with a trip to the hospital in the back of an ambulance.

To add insult to injury, the hospital could not release her until her parents showed up.  The hospital also had to tell her parents why she was there. 

The official diagnosis: “Female Sexual Climax”.  I just loved writing that on her chart.